I think we're coming at the same thing from the same angle using different words - at least re: "resonating" - I think there's a shade of nuance of difference. When I talk about "the shape of the story as it exists in my mind," I'm talking about "does it resonate for me." If I can get it to resonate for me, that's the best I can do - if it resonates for readers, that's excellent, but I don't know how to achieve that except by making sure it resonates for me. Once I've done that, it's all I can do, so I send it into the world with a blessing and a kiss. :)

That said, it does hurt when people don't like something. Not enough to make me change anything, but sure, there's an emotional investment involved...